Today I should be in London
I will keep this post short for a change.
Last Saturday, mam drove me to work for my ‘we want to know how you are you’ meeting with Debbie, Personnel Manager. To be honest here, and to be fair, where else can I be honest if not in my personal blog(?), all these meetings over the past 3 months have felt like an inquisition (not the Spanish kind either). So, whilst I was upstairs, mam went into the store to shop.
From waking up and up to being at work, I just felt achy down my left side and bottom of my rib cage. Debbie took the meeting whilst one of the newly promoted girls took notes. In reply to being asked where I was health wise, all I could say was what I had been saying for weeks and weeks – where the pain is, that I am breathless all of the time and that I am still waiting to hear from Ysbyty Glan Clwyd regarding my appointments for a MRI scan and Angiogram. Also, that I could not say when I would be fit enough to return to work. As far as returning to work goes, an option Debbie put to me was to trained on the MVG desk (Music, Video & Games). She suggested this, as there would be no heavy lifting or twisting involved as there is on checkout. I agreed to this on my return. The intention is to be back this coming Friday 5th December, if I am up to it.
I had mentioned that I would go see my GP on the 28th November (Friday), however, I saw her on the Thursday. As it transpired, I was in pain driving to the surgery and back. I told Dr Shaheir that as well as being in pain still, I an my mam had noticed that at times; I was slurring my words or having difficulty speaking, ie, blur blur blur type of thing was coming out. Mam told me that she had noticed this a number of times previously but, Tuesday night it was more noticeable (Sunday through Tuesday I spent the nights keeping mam company whilst dad was away with work in Bristol). Dr Shaheir took my blood pressure, listened to my chest and neck – clear. She mentioned that it could be Transient Ischaemic Attack (TIA).
A transient ischaemic attack (TIA) or “mini stroke” is caused by a temporary disruption in the blood supply to part of the brain. The disruption in blood supply results in a lack of oxygen to the brain. This can cause symptoms similar to those of a stroke, such as speech and visual disturbance and numbness or weakness in the arms and legs. However, a TIA does not last as long as a stroke. The effects only last for a few minutes and are usually fully resolved within 24 hours.
Dr Shaheir said that it can affect anyone who has a history of heart problems (which I have). Basically, tiny blood clots can travel into the brain causing the symptoms as mentioned in the above paragraph. These affects don’t last long and can be barely noticeable at times. This said, she is sending me for tests to be on the safe side. More tests! I mean, I am still waiting for the ones I have been referred for back in October! Just does not seem to be any end in sight.
So, since Thursday, I have been resting in bed as best I can. Sleep has been hard coming and I have found myself still awake at gone 3am these past few nights. Come the morning, I am absolutely shattered and not rising until mid morning at the earliest. To pass the time, I have caught up with a few recorded programmes and streaming series 2 of Orange Is The New Black. Which is as awesome as the first series. Mind you, I am only up to episode 5 of 13. Last night, I even watched Marvel’s ‘Guardians Of The Universe (with former Doctor Who companion Karen Gillan aka Amelia (Amy) Pond-Williams). 2 hour film which pretty much just flew by and I highly recommend it.
And then, we are here, Sunday 30th November 2014. What is so special about today? Today, today I was supposed to travel back down to London and be booked in as a patient at Charing Cross hospital. Then tomorrow, 1st December, I would have been taken to theatre to have my GRS – Gender Realignment Surgery under the care of Dr Philip Thomas. To wake up this morning and realise that this surgery is not happening, well, I am more than disappointed to put it mildly (I’m not going to describe every emotion I have or am feeling over this, that’s not me). OK. OK. It can not be helped and is only postponed until the doctors receive the results of my scans. I have been waiting so long for this life-changing operation that to fall ill and then be told I was to have the surgery before the year is out and only not to, I really do not know how I have kept myself together. What is getting to me, is that I will return to work, only to go off again for this surgery and then be off work for 10 weeks to recuperate. It is all rather depressing on top of everything. I was so happy and looking forward to being ‘complete’ as it were, and my first Christmas with my new vagina. I can only pray now that I will have the surgery before my birthday in March. Please let this be.
I will leave it there I think.
(( Cwtsh ))
xx Cerys xx