Up & Down
Been a bit of a funny time since last post. Moods have been up and down and I do not like it when this happens. keeping this one brief.
On Monday 25th March, I turned 41. The plan was to have gone out with my parents, younger brother, nieces and my auntie and uncle and their two daughters but this did not come off. Why? As can be seen from last post – SNOW!! It did not cease from the Friday through to Tuesday. My auntie’s family live in Sychdyn which is inland and high up compared to Oakenholt / Flint which is just off the coast of the Dee estuary. They had got snowed in completely – 4ft of snow! In the end, mum and dad took me out to the Running Hare in Ewloe Monday evening and my younger brother and his son managed to get there too. It is a very nice restaurant but expensive – £3.50 for a chocolate dessert with vanilla ice cream on the side, never mind the cost of the main at near on a tenner!How many cards did I receive for my birthday? All of a high number of FOUR! This is what it is like to be single, middle-aged and friends that forget ; although many wished me happy birthday or penblwydd hapus in Welsh via Facebook. Thank you to all of them!
Have to hand it to Flintshire county council; they did a grand job at keeping the main roads open throughout this nuts of weather this time of year. Good start to Spring.
This is what is left as of today; Thursday 4th April 2013 in my front garden. Looks all sunny but still very chilly.
Since my birthday, I have spent the majority of time at home on my own with the exception of the odd few hours here and there at my parents and mum coming round to watch certain programmes on SKY tv – The Walking Dead, Dexter, The Following, Primeval:New World. started to go a bit stir crazy to be told so, went to Wrecsam yesterday with mum by train. Kinda wow as we saw the levels of snow between the coast and en route to Wrecsam. It has only just started to thaw up there. I got to see the FA Trophy that Wrecsam FC won the last week and bought myself a pair of walking boots with the birthday money I got off mum and dad.
Wednesday evening was the Encompass GBLT meet up at the Community Café in Connah’s Quay. The discussion was about literature/films of GBLT that influenced you. I never went with anything as I just could not think of anything that did, although certain films and literature have. Having thought about it, I did enjoy Different For Girls a British transsexual story from the 1990’s, Boys Don’t Cry which is an American true transsexual story. Then there is the book on Lili Elbe who was the first male to female trans-woman to undergo gender reassignment. Nicole Kidman is to portray her in a film scheduled to be released possibly in 2014.
Whilst I was there, which was for 2 1/2 hours, I felt out of place and alone in a group of people; a great bunch of people I may add. Dunno why I feel like this but I do so so often. I think it stems from being singled out in childhood and it has remained with me ever since. I guess some things never go away and mental abuse from your peers at school stays with you for a life time. I am trying ever so hard to interact with people and to make new friends and I have made some good new friends which I wish I could see more often. My being has felt like I have been torn open and my heart removed. As if I had lost a love of my life. Hate it when this happens. No matter how hard I try, the mask always falls off and I have to accept that i am alone, lonely, and without love bar from my family. I long to be loved by that someone special.
On another topic; I had my Zoladex injection this morning. This is an anti-androgen treatment to lower testosterone in the body for male to female transsexuals. It last for 3 months and the nurse alternates which side of the belly button to inject. this is my third time having an injection of Zoladex; my first being Prostrap which was administered in the arm twice. So, I have been on injected medications for a year now. How the time has flown. This time however, I have come out in a major bruise to the left of my belly button and is a little painful but only slightly.
Gonna cut it there as it is late and I am tired and ready for bed.