Telling Family Part II – Other members
So, mum told and that went easier than I thought especially as I hadn’t, in fact, told her. Mum came out with it out of frustration at me not being able to tell her what was wrong with me. Who next? I’ve put every other family member in this one because they were very easier to tell and no awkward stuff rallly to divulge.
2007, taking my 12 year old niece Rachael to her guitar lesson in Connah’s Quay. She has always known me with an electric guitar or bass guitar in my hand and she wanted to learn, and i took her to the guy who taught me. On this particular day in February, Rachael had noticed the wooden bracelet I was wearing on my left wrist and that it looked ‘girlie’ as she liked it. I offered it her but she rather I kept it. So, I got her a similar one later that week. I asked her if she had noticed anything ‘different’ about me of late? Rachael said that she had noticed that my hair was longer; my clothes are more feminine and then progressed to ask if I was gay? I said no. She persisted in asking me questions to know what was going on with me. I told her I can’t, not yet. ‘Please, just tell me’. In the end, keeping it simple for a 12-year-old, I did. ‘I’m transitioning to female’. ‘Cool’, she said, ‘We can go shopping together?’ ‘Because I have always felt feminine and wanted to become a woman back in school’. Rachael then asked,’Is that why you divorced?’ Being honest, ‘Yes. Don’t tell your dad because that is down to me to do’. I found out the next day that she did tell her dad; and he went ballistic and calling me all sorts of names. He even rang our mum to see if it was true. So, thanks to Rachael (who said sorry for telling him), my brother Michael I did not have to tell.6 years later, he still will not speak to me nor be in the same room if it can be helped. The only time that we were, was for David and Sarah’s wedding in August 2011 and our paternal nain’s funeral in December 2011. Mum wouldn’t even invite him to her 65th birthday meal out in the Raj Indian restaurant.
I told dad on easter Sunday back in April 2009, a matter of weeks before going full-time in my private and work life. Mum went out to Broughton Retail Park so that I could tell him. There was my dad; in his dressing gown and laid on the 3 seater sofa and me; sat on the other sofa. The TV was on and showing the movie – ‘Lost In Space’ on Channel Four. As each break came; I found it hard to tell him. Just over an hour in; the fifth advert break I told dad – ‘I’ve been diagnosed with GID: Gender Identity Disorder’. Dad:’What’s that then?’ Me:’It means that I am transitioning to female; to become a woman’. Dad:’Are they sure?’. Me:’Yes and it is what I want’. Dad looked at me and then back at the TV and that was it. He did mentioned it to mum that night but no rejection from him either. 3 out of 4 so far and looking good.
Around the same time, 2009, I told my younger brother David and his then wife-to-be Sarah at their home. To be true here; I did not really need to tell them because they had already worked it out; by the simple fact that I had been wearing women’s jeans; trainers and tee-shirts. Sarah had mentioned the cut of my jeans being a women’s cut. They had discussed me between themselves and David wondered whether I would chooe a name beginning with the same initial as M or different altogether; and the latter I had chosen. They were more than fine about it and even said, ‘Your life. We want you to be happy and we have noticed how much happier you are now’. Sarah 2 late teenage children were fine too. 7 out of 8 – brilliant!
My mum’s sister and husband and their 2 daughters – the eldest being 13 and youngest was 9. Mum actually told them but I went to see them a week after going full-time. I went to visit them on a beautiful sunny Sunday in May. We were in the back garden where I explained why i had chosen to transition to female. Before I had arrived, my auntie and uncle sat my cousins down to tell them them I was changing and they were quite simply not bothered as long as I was happy. My uncle came out with, ‘women don’t have biceps’. They have gone thankfully in the 4 years on female hormones (yay). My auntie simply asked, amonst others, ‘Are you 100% sure you are doing the right thing? Definately what you want?’ To which I replied a resounding, ‘Yes’. That was easy to be fair. 11 out of 12 – getting more better.
As for my other relatives – my dad’s sister’s family (4) and his brother’s family (4), all fine with me. So that is 19 out of 20. I do have other family members but we do not talk to them due to a feud caused by them over an old piece of family history going back to when my mum was barely a year old! Bloody ridiculous too. 6 years later, and apart from my elder brother; everyone is treating me no different really. The only issue I have, is that they still can not call me Cerys apart from my auntie’s family, my nephew really. I try to ignore my old name being used but not easy and I do correct. What I get is, known you as M for 40 years and it is difficult to change. Bollocks – basically! It is lack of respect but in time, they will adjust.